Last night I had the best dream of my entire life. I'm not exaggerating--I woke up in a joyous mood, just remembering it.
Okay, there's more to it than that. In fact, it was a highly detailed dream that went on for some time. I wish it were true. The highlights:
After you die, you attend a small meeting in a house in the suburbs, where a volunteer fills you in. At first, you'll be completely insubstantial as you get used to being dead. Once you're ready to move on to other things, you become able to feel things in the living world, and influence them to some extent.
I moved to stage two almost immediately, as Bill was already there, and waiting for me in the back room. There's another stage, but the dead don't know much about it, only that it comes after a long time. Kind of like death is to the living. The dead don't worry about it, as the dead are pretty mellow.
We were offered another wedding ceremony, as the one we'd had before was only until "death do us part," and we would now be together forever. We gleefully got married again.
The dead seem to get along doing whatever they like. There are movies, and stars, and even models. The models are a little ticked off because dead hair is hard to manage.
When you're dead, you look like your inner self. This can be a little embarrassing. We saw one forty-something die, and his dead self came out as a 20-something, wearing a leather jacket. Most people look like they did when they were alive, more or less. Michael Douglas seemed to have acquired George Hamilton's skin. You never know.
Sometimes people are surprised to die, and they snap out to someplace familiar, then hide in a living person's body. The person's stomach will pooch out a bit, and they'll look confused. That's only for a few minutes though, because the dead know when their loved ones die, and rush right over to get them. Time is slightly non-linear, because I went over to a place I used to live to get my confused and newly-dead mom.
You would think that, since the dead are all around, they would be able to communicate. The problem is that they are living a very different existence, and when they try to talk to us, it comes out cryptic and confusing. Bill and I founded a Yahoo! Group called TheDead. We managed, in our cryptic way, to lure living people to a little house, which we would then haunt, scaring the piss out of the poor livings. I laughed my dead ass off. Good times, good times.
Think about that the next time someone online sounds a little "weird".
No, I mean really weird. Shut up.