This reminds me of a

This reminds me of a story. When I was about four or five, there was a commercial on tv about water safety. It showed people happily frolicking in a pool and asked the question: “Do you know how to breathe under water?” My little brain logically sussed out that you would breathe under water the very same way you did on land. Duh. How obvious.

At this time in my life we lived in a tiny town called Hines, and my mom worked at a motel down the hill from our home. I spent many days playing with the snotty daughter of the owners, Heidi. Heidi was a little older than I was. Blonde, cute, and a little bitchy, she tainted any ability I might have had to like females named Heidi.

On a particular hot summer day, Heidi and I were playing out by the motel pool. She thought I was being water-shy, so she pushed me into the deep end. I wasn’t being water-shy–I couldn’t swim. Luckily, I’d seen that informative commercial. I kept my wits about me and took a deep breath. I recovered consciousness poolside in my mother’s arms.

Saved from a silly-ass commercial by effective parenting.

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