Usually when I’m really down

Usually when I’m really down (like I am today, because it’s my birthfuckingday), going out with my friends turns things around. I had a bad feeling tonight might be different, but I had high hopes. Dashed, dashed. I ended up feeling horrible, being a complete ass and hurting a dear friend’s feelings, and just generally twisting the knife. I was out with five people I love, and I found I really only wanted to be with one of them. No fault of the other four, it was just too much for me. So now I’m even worse. I shouldn’t even be writing about it, because drawing attention to it makes it that much more unbearable. But I know I’ll want to look back on this next year, so here it is. I think I’m going to erase my birthday. It’s never been a great time for me, so why bother.

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