Do I Know You?

I am home with a crappier-than-normal reaction to a flu shot. Lucky me. So the phone rings, and I have to answer it because it may well be work. That would be important.

It isn’t work. It’s one of those people who call me “ma’am” or “Catherine” or “Ms. W********.”

Over the years I’ve experimented with different ways of dealing with phone solicitors, some of them less polite than others. A favorite idea that I’ve never had the balls to try is to tell them: “You have 10 seconds to convince me to stay on the line. Be entertaining. And I mean on the level of show-tunes and Bill Cosby.” I figure if someone can be original, I can listen to the pitch. If you try this, let me know how it goes.

In the end, I’ve settled on something mundane and only borderline rude. As soon as I realize what I’m dealing with, I interject: “Do I know you or owe you money?” If the answer is no, I say: “Well then I’m going to hang up now. Goodbye.” Click. I added on the “owe you money” part because I suck at paying my cable bill (they can’t seem to get with the e-bill thang), so they call me sometimes. I’m usually very friendly to collections people as long as they aren’t obnoxious.

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