O!

No, I’m not referring to Oprah’s magazine.

I was talking with a friend about my neighbor’s (hi Nadia!) incredibly loud sex, when the subject came up. You know the one. Throughout time immemorial, this subject has been a mainstay of male/female friendships the world over:

Faking it.

My personal experience is this: without love, the chances for orgasm are slim and none. Because I was in a loveless marriage once, I had to fake it if I were to have any hope of getting the bastard off of me. Sometimes you do what you have to; but never again did I subject myself to loveless sex. Okay, one more time, but that was brief, and he was good with his hands. Er, moving right along…

We sort of came to the conclusion that affection and emotional honesty preclude any need for faking it. Sex is not football, and expressing physical love is not about getting a touchdown. I say “sort of” because between the two of us we have less knowledge of the subject than some teenagers I know. Well, promiscuous teenagers.

Here are the questions we cannot answer alone (yes, this is a plea for help, and no, I don’t care if you lie about your name in the comments):

  1. Is there ever a reason to fake an orgasm in a loving relationship?
  2. Have you faked? Why?
  3. How do you tell if someone is faking?

Your assistance in this matter will leave us forever in your debt. Okay, maybe not forever. For a month or so. And I may send you chocolate.

6 Responses to O!

  1. Rich says:

    In reference to O!
    1) No, there is never a reason to fake and orgasim in loving relationship. If the orgasim is faked then your partner does not know things need to change.
    2) With being a guy I have yet to figure out how to fake an orgasim. The best I’ve been able to do is fake the emotional part.
    3) It takes very close observation of before, during, and after to determine if an orgasim if faked. Even then it is not always detectable.
    Yes, I’m the same panda that’s on your Portland message board.

  2. Rich says:

    In reference to O!
    1) No, there is never a reason to fake and orgasim in loving relationship. If the orgasim is faked then your partner does not know things need to change.
    2) With being a guy I have yet to figure out how to fake an orgasim. The best I’ve been able to do is fake the emotional part.
    3) It takes very close observation of before, during, and after to determine if an orgasim if faked. Even then it is not always detectable.
    Yes, I’m the same panda that’s on your Portland message board.

  3. Cat says:

    Hi Panda!

    I’ve wondered about the guy thing. Do guys fake at all? Seems like you only hear about women doing it.

  4. Josh says:

    1) Faking has its place in both casual encounters and long-term relationships. People are almost never as vulnerable emotionally as they are during sex and there are SO MANY things that could hurt a partner’s feelings. If you don’t feel like having an orgasm, it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with your partner (maybe you’re just tuckered out) but try explaining that in the heat of the moment.

    2) I am a man and I HAVE faked numerous times with various people in different kinds of relationships. In each case it was the second time around during the same lovemaking session and she had already had her fun. When condoms are involved it’s easy: just conceal and dispose of it quickly. The key to faking WITHOUT condoms is you have to actually have at least one actual orgasm at the beginning of that session; subsequent ones can be faked.

    3) How to tell if your partner faked? Well if your partner’s a guy, check the condom or yourself. You’ll know.

  5. Cat says:

    Josh–that was a very thoughtful and honest answer, and said some things I did not know. Thanks.

  6. Limegirl says:

    1) I can’t imagine why anyone would fake an orgasm in a loving relationship. I’d rather be honest and say I’m not in the mood, or tired, or “a little to the left, please”. And I’d certainly want to give my partner the opportunity to hone his skills. 😉

    2) Never. Not planning on ever doing it, either.

    3) I’m not sure. It’s pretty hard for a guy to fake it, and when it comes to women, you’d probably have to know what a real one looks like (for that particular person) to figure out if it’s fake or not. Unless you want to grab a speculum and get gynecological about it, in which case faking an orgasm would be substantially more difficult.