Lost and Found

The last few weeks have been very full.

On February 19, we spent the day looking at houses. It was our first outing, and our fantastic real estate agent, Kellie Jenkins, ran us all over the place looking at stuff. We had a great time.

When we got home, we noticed that Prisolm, our 15-year-old kitty, hadn’t moved from her spot on the couch all day. I had noticed some lethargy the day before as well, so we took her to the wonderful folks at Dove Lewis. The details hurt too much to type, so I’ll just say that we lost her the following Wednesday. She received the best of care, and had the easiest passing we could give her. She had a very long, very good life with people who loved her. We should all be so fortunate.

We spent a few days incognito (and we will be grieving for a long time), and by Saturday we were able to get back in the saddle and look at another house. We had seen the listing, and been able to just drive by the weekend before. I had a feeling about the house, and put my checkbook in my back pocket in case earnest money was needed. It was. By Monday, the kinks were worked out and offers accepted. Soon we’ll be living in Woodstock–a great home in a great neighborhood.

The idea of owning a home is hard to wrap my head around. Much less a home with room for a library, a guestroom, a vegetable garden, an office–not to mention a kitchen that makes me bounce with glee. It’s just about perfect. We’ve been staying up late just talking about paint colors and room uses.

Finally, yesterday I faced something that I have been putting off since August, 2003. When I first did the Blogathon, I was single. I watched a movie every night, rarely went out, and spent a helluva lot of time on the computer. Now I have the Spousal Unit, and with him comes this incredible life of art and gardens and cooking and homekeeping–all the things we share and love. I found I balked at giving up those things for six months out of the year. Bill was great–he was ready to take on my share of the household responsibilities so I could do the ‘thon. And I found myself with a horrible thought: “I wish I’d never done the first one.” That’s when I knew I had to let go.

The Blogathon has always been my trump card–the thing I thought made me a “good person”. It was a part of my identity, and very hard to let go. But I did. Others will be doing the event this year, and though I’ll still own the domain, I’ll be pointing it at their project.

I still feel the sting of guilt, but I just couldn’t face giving up half of my life forever. There are those who argue that I don’t have to do that. Maybe they’re right–for them. But for me, it is a consuming task that must be done properly or not at all. I did it for three years. I started an amazing thing that will be, as it was in 2003’s Project-Blog, carried forward by others. That’s a damned good contribution, and for now, I’m going to rest on those laurels.

And now, there are books to pack, gardens to plan, guest beds to buy, and a little cat to pet.

5 Responses to Lost and Found

  1. Anna says:

    Aw, cat, I’m so sorry about Prisolm 🙁
    I’m gonna light a jeebus votive for her (and you guys) tonight.

    In spite of that, you and the spousal unit manage to find a kickass house in one of the best neighborhoods in Portland? Congratulations. I’m really, really, really happy for the both of you.

  2. Paul says:

    Really glad to hear it has a guest room!!!!

    Sounds like a great house – I am excited for you both! Congrats!!

  3. elkit says:

    You’ll always be the one who started the Blogathon. No one can ever take that away from you. And I personally think it takes a lot of courage to let your baby go out into the world once it’s all grown up. Sounds to me like you made the right decision.

    I am looking forward to this year’s blogathon. Hope to see you there, in one way or another!

  4. chemical says:

    I won’t let you down. I promise.

  5. Wow, you’re getting a house! That’s fantastic – congratulations!