In Which Some Friends Create Incremental Titles for Sequels

(Names of said friends have been removed to protect them from angry reprisals. And yes, a few of these are mine.) (The list is only ordered because I’m curious as to how bloody many of these we thunk up. A lot, it seems.) (Note: You must at least make it to #113.)

  1. The Whole Ten Yards
  2. Die Harder
  3. Most Final Destination”
  4. Three Girls and Two Guys
  5. 29 Days Later
  6. 9 1/2 Weeks (brad: 9-3/4 Weeks)
  7. Ridley Scott’s 1493: Description of Paradise, in which Christopher Columbus tells the Spaniards about the New World, was critically panned.
  8. Stalag 18
  9. David Fincher’s 8ight / Ei8ht
  10. Bob & Ted & Carol & Alice & Frank the Cute Waiter at the Mexican Restaurant
  11. 25 Hour Party People
  12. The Rock in xXxX.
  13. Global warming apocalypse continues in Two Days From Now.
  14. Good Evening, Vietnam
  15. The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, and Chuck
  16. To Live and Die and Be Buried in L.A.
  17. Dial N for Nurder
  18. Sidney Poitier in Guess Who’s Dropping by for Dessert?
  19. Grumpy Dead Men
  20. Rosemary’s Sullen Teenager
  21. Moulin Orange
  22. The 401 Blows
  23. Malcolm XI
  24. A Light Rail Named Desire
  25. Francis Ford Coppola’s The Polyester Club
  26. An Officer (Ret.) and a Gentlemen
  27. The Arithmetic Mean of All Fears
  28. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Grownup
  29. Aguirre: The Anger Management Course of God
  30. Clichy-sous Bois, Texas
  31. The Gods Must Be Given Lithium
  32. Having Been John Malkovich
  33. Billy Wilder’s A2
  34. Shanghai Quartet
  35. 50 Second Dates
  36. The Best Medium-to-Large Whorehouse in Texas
  37. L.A. Widely Known
  38. Bambii
  39. Even Bigger Trouble in Littler China
  40. Pumping Cobalt
  41. A Chorus Plane
  42. 32 Feature-Length Presentations About Glenn Gould
  43. Abel Ferrara’s King of the Tri-State Area.
  44. Red Mid-Morning
  45. The Big Wake
  46. Don’t forget U-572.
  47. I remain unimpressed by Nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine Years B.C.
  48. The Great British Patient
  49. K-20, The Remarrier
  50. VI
  51. The Eiger Embargo
  52. Thoroughly Post-Modern Millie
  53. The Peninsula of Dr. Moreau
  54. The Isthmus of Dr. Moreau
  55. The Land Area Surrounding a Lake of Dr. Moreau
  56. Down the Esophagus of Madness
  57. Where The Boys Were
  58. Cretaceous Park
  59. Apocalypse Then
  60. Pumpkin Man
  61. Paidback
  62. Expatriate Kane
  63. Diamonds Are Forever
  64. No Mohicans
  65. The Philadelphia Peer-Reviewed Study
  66. Joe vs. The Atoll
  67. Phenomenot
  68. Try to Remember Paris
  69. A Hard Night’s Night
  70. The Dry Cleaner of Panama
  71. Girl, Resumed
  72. Home Free for Christ
  73. Me and You and Everyone We Know and Everyone They Know
  74. Me and You and Everyone We Know and Everyone They Know and Everyone They Know
  75. Me and You and Everyone We Know and Everyone They Know and Everyone They Know and Everyone They Know
  76. Five Degrees Of Seperation
  77. Anne of Red-Shifted Gables
  78. Life as a Duplex
  79. The Green Kilometer
  80. Godot Better Be Dead Or In Jail
  81. My Uncomfortable Flatulence With Andre
  82. Grizzly Meal
  83. Miller’s Clover Leaf
  84. American Repainting
  85. From The Moon To The Earth
  86. The Devil’s Pelvis
  87. Shone
  88. And The Dirty Baker’s Dozen.
  89. If we can get the wiring on Andie McDowell repaired, we can start shooting 5 Weddings and 2 Funerals.
  90. Bring Me The Lungs and Adrenal Glands of Alfredo Garcia. “Couldn’t you have asked for these when I was getting the head?!”
  91. American Pie 4: Boner Bongo Bonanza
  92. The Day After The Day Of The Condor.
  93. 7 Divorces for 7 Brothers.
  94. Leprechaun 6: Leprechaun In Inner Space (with Dennis Quaid!)
  95. Leprechaun 7: Leprechaun In The Crawlspace
  96. Leprechaun 8: Leprechaun vs. Freddy vs. Jason vs. Alien vs. Predator vs. Chucky vs. Shark
  97. Snakes On A Plane, Trains and Automobiles
  98. Two Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.
  99. The Wild Oodles.
  100. Seven Degrees of Separation, perhaps inevitably, stars Kevin Bacon.
  101. American Pi
  102. Around the World, or, 69 Days is an excellent porno.
  103. I’m moving on to song titles.
  104. 89 Lines about 45 Women
  105. 26 or 7 to 5
  106. Once, Twice, Three, Fuck It, FOUR TIMES A LADY
  107. Turali
  108. Priscilla, Popette of the Steppes
  109. As Good As It Gets Up In Your Guts
  110. Duckier Soup
  111. Amazon Hermaphrodites on Phobos
  112. The Credenza of Dr. Caligari
  113. Nosferateaux
  114. The Goodbye Old Broad
  115. Save Every Fucking Dance For Me
  116. Zombification Becomes Her
  117. I Am Curious (Microwave)
  118. The Miracle Loafer
  119. The Raisins of Sloth
  120. Earth Girls Are A Pain In the Ass
  121. The Blackboard Controlled Deforestation Zone
  122. Charlie and the Fudge Packing Company
  123. Sunday Morning Hangover
  124. Dunston Checks Out, Tunes In, Turns On
  125. Vertigone
  126. Back to the Waterfront
  127. Tweet Tweetback’s Badattttttt Tong.
  128. Scent of a Crone
  129. The Killing of Sally Fields
  130. Silence of the Mutton
  131. Bald (brad: Featuring “Let the Moon Shine In” and “The Twilight of the Age of Aquarius”.)
  132. The Ten Suggestions
  133. To Kill Extra Mockingbirds
  134. The Fucking Wind’s Back
  135. Episiotomy of a Nation
  136. I Already Did The Right Thing, Ma
  137. Good Riddance to Owen Meany
  138. Smilla’s Sense of Slush
  139. From Russia With Smoldering Resentment
  140. Dog Afternoon Evening
  141. Here’s What the &*%! We Know Already
  142. There’s Apparently No Way to Leave Africa
  143. The Cheering Up of A Cocksucker
  144. Uninteresting Calzone
  145. I Think I’m Getting Over Her Ridge
  146. I Guess I Was Wrong About the End of the World
  147. Can We Just Be Friends, Actually
  148. All The Pretty Glue Factories
  149. Jesus of Ottawa
  150. Schindler’s Doodling
  151. All’s Horrible, Forever
  152. I Spit Directly On Your Disinterred Body
  153. Another Goddam Detail
  154. Shampee
  155. Solarisn’t
  156. I Know I Put Baby Jane Somewhere Around Here
  157. Too Many Faces of Eve
  158. Babe, Country Bacon
  159. Everbody Can See You, Man
  160. This Canyon Kind of Sucks
  161. The Born-Again Poets Society
  162. My Left Yard
  163. Johnny . . . What’s His Name Again?
  164. The Lion That Quietly Ate Cheese
  165. Prospero’s Periodicals
  166. Nambo Nouth
  167. Planet of the Humans
  168. Footless
  169. Looking for Mr. Betterbar
  170. No, Being Over There
  171. Karhead
  172. Gorkier Park
  173. Get Lost, and Fuck Off
  174. It’s Time For Lunch, Vietnam!
  175. Alice’s Taco Bell
  176. I’m Full, Thanks (with Catherine Deneuve)
  177. The World’s Most Dangerous Gameboy
  178. The Sixth Element
  179. 20,001 Leagues Under the Sea
  180. 103 Dalmatians: Electric Boogaloo
  181. 11, starring Bo Derek and Spinal Tap.
  182. Mulvae
  183. The Second Wives Club
  184. The Ferries of Madison County
  185. Triathlon Man
  186. Young Doctors Engaged
  187. Slightly Older Guns
  188. Middle-Aged Frankenstein
  189. 43rd Street
  190. Encino Man of La Mancha
  191. Eat, Drink, Man, Woman, Baby
  192. …And Then Down the Up Staircase
  193. Yes, We Have No Starfighters
  194. You Said Never Again, Didn’t You?
  195. Nonapussy
  196. Brokeback Molehill
  197. Boom and Bang (sequels to Crash)
  198. Goodbye, Dolly!
  199. You’re Not So Funny Anymore, Girl
  200. The Fourpenny Opera
  201. Two Hour Photo
  202. The Man Who Found His Other Red Shoe
  203. Higherlander
  204. The Thomas Crown Palimony Suit
  205. Stroker Deuce
  206. Turk 183!
  207. The Falcon and the Pile of Slush
  208. Ferris Bueller Returns to School
  209. TV: Murder, She Blogged
  210. Nuns Slowing Down, Beginning to Walk
  211. One More Mule for Sister Sara, Making Three Altogether
  212. Three for the Jungle Gym
  213. $1,000,001 Baby
  214. 9 Heads in a Valise
  215. Assault on Precinct 14
  216. Miracle on 43rd Street
  217. The Fourth Man, where Holly Martins searches for his old buddy who sold counterfeit Sachertortes made with carob.
  218. You Only Live Thrice
  219. Who’s Afraid of Leonard Woolf?
  220. Insurance Claim (sequel to Crash)
  221. Strep Throat
  222. Debbie Does Dubuque
  223. The Man Who Embalmed Liberty Valance
  224. You Don’t Write, You Don’t Visit, You Just Call When You Need Money, My Concubine
  225. The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover & Her Lover’s Lover
  226. Apocalypse Later
  227. Triple Indemnity
  228. The Fourth Man
  229. The Post-Graduate
  230. The 8 Year Itch
  231. American History XI
  232. Postmodern Times
  233. To Bury a Mockingbird
  234. 12 Angry Men and a Baby
  235. 1PM(sequel to High Noon)
  236. Mr. Smith goes to Topeka(this could be an almost endless road movie series)
  237. Fiddler in the Bushes
  238. The Princess Wife: Barefoot and Pregnant
  239. A Tad Bit More Evil
  240. Yours, Mine, Ours, and Theirs(hell, this might already be in production)
  241. Noon of the Dead
  242. The Seventh Sense
  243. Deeper Impact
  244. The Hypotenuse of All Fears
  245. Perdition
  246. Forgiven
  247. Master and Commander: The Pond Out Back
  248. Sky Captain and the World of the Day After Tomorrow
  249. Ladder 50
  250. Love, Sort Of
  251. Show Me State
  252. Pirates of the Caspian
  253. Exit the Dragon
  254. The Day After the Jackal
  255. His Girl Saturday
  256. It’s a Madder, Madder, Madder, Madder World
  257. One Conversation About Thirteen Things
  258. Reality Continues to Bite
  259. Rush-Even-More
  260. Reversible
  261. Breakable
  262. Clueful
  263. Badderlands
  264. Yes, They Do Shoot Horses
  265. Hanging Out In Neverland
  266. And The Band Continued Playing Interminably
  267. The Year of Living Cautiously
  268. Hello Again, My Concubine
  269. fünfdotcom
  270. Not to mention pointy-eared Will Farrell in the hit Christmas sequal, Zwölf.
  271. Armageddon II
  272. Were Those Russians, Were Those Russians?
  273. Mr. Smith and the House Ethics Committee
  274. Upper Stomach
  275. Fitzcaraldidn’t
  276. Saving Sergent Ryan
  277. The Aviary (from the Birdcage)
  278. Close Encounters of the 4th Kind
  279. Extinguish the Red Lantern
  280. Steamworld
  281. Cube (sequel to Sphere)
  282. A Bridge Not Quite Far Enough
  283. Bridge on the Tributary Kwai
  284. Fried Green Tomatoes In the Fridge
  285. Crimson Cheer
  286. Arms Return To Do Laundry
  287. A River Tame
  288. All the Prime Minister’s Men
  289. Bill & Ted’s Clusterfuck of a Voyage
  290. Snakes in the Baggage Claim Area
  291. To Julie Newmar, No Worries, Wong Foo
  292. Einstein.
  293. A Little Faster With The Drum-Banging, Please.
  294. Saturday Morning Blindness.
  295. Lorenzo’s Gas
  296. Matrix: Transposed
  297. Enron II: The Most Abused Guys In The Cell
  298. Fully Fucking Baked.
  299. O Brother, For Fuck’s Sake, Come Home.
  300. Broken, Dried Flowers
  301. Charlie’s Bridge-Playing Karate Hags
  302. Ghost Malamute
  303. Okay, Get The Kid Out of The Picture Now.
  304. Fuck A Huckabee
  305. Coyote Uglier
  306. Bloodsnowe
  307. Aeon Flux Divergence
  308. What’s Digesting Gilbert Grape?
  309. In Golden Pond
  310. Good Will Stuffing
  311. Decent Burger
  312. An Additional Five or So Things I Hate About You
  313. Field of Disrepair
  314. The Karate Middle-Aged Dad (With a Japan Fetish)
  315. The Cider House Rules Even Harder
  316. Basic Instinct 3: Pockmarks of Retribution
  317. Don’t Hustle and Flow While Doing The Right Thing In The Belly Of The Barbershop
  318. Purple Puddles
  319. Quake
  320. Arnie Edition!
  321. False Truths
  322. Foggy Recall
  323. Last Drama Hero
  324. The Promenading Man
  325. First-Grade Cop
  326. Conan The Rebuilder
  327. Start of Next Days
  328. Vampire in Less-Expensive Queens
  329. Dirty Dancing: Tijuana Mornings
  330. Sisterhood of the Travelling Tapered Jeans
  331. Pirates of the Florida Keys
  332. Four Funerals and an Exhuming
  333. Xanadid
  334. My Curiosity Has Been Satisfied (Yellow)
  335. Very Funny, Fred, Now Get Up Off The Floor And Don’t Be So Sarcastic
  336. Turn Your Goddamn Boombox Down On The Western Front
  337. ^Ator: The Endangered Eagle^
  338. Repairin’
  339. A River Was Diverted Around It
  340. Goonies 2 : Chunk’s Revenge
  341. some kind of mediocrity
  342. “E.U.: Da Butt.”
  343. The Andromeda Sprain
  344. Greasier
  345. Carbon (sequel to “The Fifth Element”)
  346. The Last Webelos
  347. The Italian Internship
  348. The Bourne Submission
  349. The Day After The Day After Tomorrow
  350. Twin Peaks: Go To The Podiatrist With Me
  351. Battlefield Epcot
  352. Breakin’ 3: Elective Surgery
  353. Yo, Jimbo!
  354. Airbrush Your Wagon
  355. High Noonish
  356. Jeff Bridges of Madison County
  357. Planes, Trains, and Segways
  358. Beverly Sills Ninja
  359. The Hot Apparatchik
  360. Stuart Shaves His Family
  361. Seed of Chuck Eddy
  362. Screen Test Icicles
  363. Failure to Lunch
  364. The Jock of Zorro
  365. For Your Thighs Only
  366. Scooby-Didn’t
  367. The Polar Local
  368. Jamocha Sky
  369. Emmanuelle vs. Blacula
  370. Last Year at Marion Barry
  371. Judge Dredd at Nuremburg
  372. Citizen Korn
  373. Q: The Winged Serpent (And Not U-571)
  374. Repertory Danny Rose
  375. Harold
  376. Indiana Jones and the Retirement Home of Boredom
  377. Dracula 4000
  378. Tora Tora Tora Tora
  379. Grandchildren of a Lesser God
  380. Adolecents of the Corn
  381. Star Peace
  382. Dude, Where’s my Hovercraft?
  383. Harold & Kumar Go to the bathroom
  384. Alienii
  385. American Graffitti Removal
  387. How to Fold an American Quilt
  388. Dead Man Rotting
  389. Hawaii Five-1
  390. Room 223
  391. My Own Private Idahoer
  392. Field of Disrepair
  393. The Nextorcist
  394. Taxi Parker
  395. Goodnight, Good Luck, and Get The Fuck Out of My Apartment
  396. Gladinineor
  397. Hello Again My Concubine
  398. The Long, Long RV
  399. 9
  400. Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s a Zombie
  401. Cat with Burned Paws
  402. Sisterhood of the Traveling Support Hose
  403. Freshly-Showered Harry
  404. Rest, Lola, Rest
  405. Shirley Shamrock
  406. Looking for Mister Low-Carb Power Bar
  407. How Stella Decided Her Groove Was Overrated
  408. When Harry Got Sick and Tired of Sally
  409. Jail House Lite Jazz
  410. Bodycast Mountain
  411. What Ate Gilbert Grape?
  412. Managers
  413. Once Were Veterans
  414. Sereneyoo
  415. Serelety
  416. Zardozn’t
  417. Prospero’s e-Books
  418. Smoldering Pile of the Vanities
  419. The Landing
  420. Sophie’s Consequences
  421. Blood Somewhat Complicated
  422. Lord of the Earrings
  423. Dogs!
  424. The Found Boys
  425. Duke of the Flies
  426. Room-Temperature Hand Luke
  427. Trainspotted
  428. The Grandgodfather
  429. L-PAX
  430. 9mm
  431. J, Claudius
  432. Alice in Twoderland
  433. Expatriate Kane
  434. The Phantom Womenace
  435. Attack of the Clones’ Clones
  436. Threevenge of the Sith
  437. A Slightly Old Hope
  438. The Empire Struck Back
  439. Refund of the Jedi
  440. The Thin Red Space
  441. Sex, Lies, and Digital Video Recorders
  442. To Wong Foo, Why Didn’t You Call? –Julie Newmar
  443. Okay, I Found Bobby Fischer, Now What Do I Do With Him?
  444. Pulp Non-Fiction
  445. Doc Bollywood
  446. You’ve Got Gmail
  447. Roman Workday
  448. Dave, Jr.
  449. Fahrenheit 912
  450. Chittier Chittier Bang Bang
  451. Red Afternoon
  452. Five Moderately Difficult Pieces
  453. Been There
  454. Friday the 14th
  455. Fargone
  456. The Later, Greater Planet Earth
  457. Narcoleptic in Seattle
  458. Some Other Kind of Wonderful
  459. The Mid-morning Snack Club
  460. Raiders of the Found Ark
  461. Batman Continues
  462. Body Triple
  463. Little Shop of Things That Might Make You Somewhat Uncomfortable
  464. Bigger Top Pee Wee
  465. Dead Man Sitting Down In The Electric Chair
  466. Vermilion Planet
  467. Howl’s Stationary Castle
  468. Non-event Horizon
  469. Eight Samurai
  470. Brewster’s Thousands
  471. The Stung
  472. It Happened Another Night
  473. The Morning After of the Hunter
  474. Prequels:
  475. All About Lilith
  476. The African Princess
  477. Sunrise Boulevard
  478. Apocalypse Soon
  479. Some Like It Defrosted
  480. His Girl Thursday
  481. The Lady Reappears
  482. Aguirre: The Wrath of God Is Dead
  483. Toddler Face
  484. Bunny Lake is Found
  485. Splendor in the Hay
  486. The Sniveling and Blowing Your Nose Game
  487. Clean Up After Yourself at Hanging Rock
  488. The Afterbirth of a Nation
  489. Clammy Corpse-Hand Luke
  490. If You Want Tango, Try Argentina
  491. Chariots of Ash
  492. Actually, I Didn’t Want to Know Any of That About Sex, But Thanks For Asking
  493. The Harder They Winter
  494. eYisten1
  495. N. Butterfly
  496. Naked Dinner
  497. Resurrected Ringers
  498. The Zombie Zone
  499. The Flew
  500. Not Particularly Faraway, but Also Not Quite as Close
  501. O Brother, There You Are
  502. The Royal Elevenenbaums
  503. Having Broken the Waves
  504. W for Wendetta
  505. The Lost Weekday
  506. Fine, I Forgive You Already
  507. Gosbridge Park
  508. The Bad Seedling
  509. Lord of the Bracelets
  510. 17 Candles
  511. The Lunch Club
  512. Say Everything
  513. H4ckers
  514. Buffy the Vampire
  515. Office Nth Space
  516. Fallow State
  517. Noel Stoker’s Son’s Dracula
  518. Bram Stoker’s Son’s Dracula
  519. Noel Stoker’s Dracula.
  520. The Bridge Was Too Far
  521. X for Xanadu
  522. Two Eyed Queens
  523. Session 10
  524. 13 Monkeys
  525. The 41 Year Old Stud
  526. 4-Iron
  527. Eviler Dead
  528. Army of Darkness (starring Charlie Murphy)
  529. Blade Jogger
  530. The Big Nap
  531. Matrices
  532. Hachinin no Samurai
  533. Post-Modern Times
  534. The Constant Gardner, Still (Succa: Alternately: Won’t Stop Gardening)
  535. The Man Who Was There, Only He Was In the Bathroom for a Moment
  536. Corpse Divorcee
  537. Come On, Sam, One More Time
  538. The Big Red Two

14 Responses to In Which Some Friends Create Incremental Titles for Sequels

  1. JH says:

    May I ask why you call yourself Frykitty. I am only curious, being a cat person. Perhaps a crazy cat woman, and a cat trapper. Crazy is an ok title. I think. Considering the world is basically nuts. So, I’m surfing the web meaninglessly and stumble onto your site and the question popped up, “Hmmmm, I wonder about the origin of Fry Kitty, although it’s most likely completely unimportant. Have a nice night, fix your pets and possibly also your teens. Remember, a fixed cat is a healthy cat and rarely pees on a neighbors car tire.

  2. Cat says:

    Hello there! I remember reading Cat Trapper’s Journal when you first started writing it (I assume you are the same cat trapper?). I not only think cats should be be spayed or neutered, I’m a believer in indoor-only cats.

    You’re right, “frykitty” is of no consequence. My name is Cat, and I have a long-standing love of them, and I was just being contrary one day many years ago when I thought “kitty fritters” would be a funny online name. It is, but it’s too long. Thus, frykitty.

  3. Why indoor-only cats? (Not asking to be critical, but out of curiosity.)

    I understand that indoor-only cats are generally healthier, and do less damage to the avian and rodent populations, and those two factors alone may be enough for many people to keep their cats indoors. And in Canby, we had indoor-only cats for years (followed by indoor-mostly cats). But since we’ve moved to Oak Grove, and live on 3/5 an acre surrounded on three sides by high fences and on the fourth side by a low-speed low-traffic road, we’ve taken to letting out cats out fairly often (though not as often as they could wish). It’s true that they kill the occasional bird, but we hope our karma with our winged friend is balanced by the fact that we provide them with a bounty of food. (As you know, we have a lot of bird friends who visit us, and who nest in our yard.) It’s also true that our cats get in an occasional fight, or wander into a neighbor’s yard, but we’re very conscientious about seeking vetrinarian care. Being outside makes our cats so happy, that I can’t imagine not letting them out anymore. At least not while we’re at this house.

  4. Cat says:

    When I was a kid, it was perfectly normal to let the dog out. She got to wander around, have a great time, and poop wherever she liked. This was the neighborhood norm. Over time, people realized that loose dogs were a hazard to other humans, the cleanliness of the neighborhood, and to the health of the dogs themselves. So now the norm is much more responsible–take your dog out on a leash, and clean up after it.

    At this time, the norm for most folks is to let their cats roam free. They can do whatever they like in the neighbors’ yards, catch and spread diseases, and decimate the local wildlife. Domestic cats are a non-native species, imported and bred for our pleasure. I love, love, love cats, but they don’t belong outdoors on their own. We did take ours out on a harness for a while, but because we hadn’t trained her for this from kittenhood, it ended up being too stressful for everyone. I do regret that. But not letting her out? Christ, I have a friend who has lost two cats in as many years, because she won’t keep them in (W, I’m sorry if you’re reading this, but it fucking KILLS me). She went through horrible grief and guilt each time. I’ve been there, and I won’t be again. Because you know what? If your cat is killed by a dog, or a disease she picked up outside, or in some other horrible fashion because you couldn’t keep her indoors, then it’s your fault. Your fault that you couldn’t take care of her in her last moments. Your fault that she died in fear.

    Last year, I lost a kitty. She was very old (something that rarely happens to outdoor cats) and had had a fantastic life. At the end, she had amazing care, and she died while Bill and I were petting her and soothing her. She slipped away even before she was given the euthanizing shot. If she had died somewhere outdoors, afraid, without me, well, I would deserve to die, too. The grief was horrible, but at least I knew I’d done all I could, and taken care of her to the best of my ability. Cats are a lifetime commitment, and sometimes doing what’s best for them isn’t the most fun.

    JD, you know I really like you, and consider you a friend, but this is one area where we vehemently disagree. I stopped following your photo feed because every picture of a cat with a dead bird in his mouth made me deeply angry, and I would rather follow the bits of JD that I like.

    Sorry this turned into a rant. It’s an extremely hot button for me, especially after seeing my friend go through the awful grief and guilt once, and learn nothing, and then get the lesson again. As far as I know, her cats are still roaming. I meant to make it a post in a few days, and I may yet. There are a lot more thoughts, and some of them got jumbled up a bit.

  5. In re: kittyfritters, it seems others have had similar silly thoughts.

    In re: outdoor cats, are your cats spayed and neutered JD? The most serious environmental problem relating to cats is viable breeding populations of feral ex-pets and the resulting never-pets. I do not know whether there are enough pet cats for their predatory activities to have a significant impact on native species, though in the absence of data my feeling is that it’s likely. In any case, each dead bird is a loss, and feeding your feathered friends (aka luring them into the claws of your cats) hardly makes up for, well, anything. Similarly, being conscientious about vet visits will not help a mortally wounded or fatally infected cat. A quick google turns up some hard data and a wealth of informed and reasonable opinion, all of which indicates that letting your cats outdoors comes pretty close to neglecting them.

  6. Cat, first let me say that I respect your beliefs and the polite (yet effective) way in which you express them. Thank you for sharing. This helps me understand where you are coming from.

    Domestic cats are a non-native species…

    This is an excellent point, and something I’d never really considered. I mean it’s obvious is one respect, but I hadn’t ever considered it from the “non-native” species perspective. Do you know what I mean? When I think of non-native species, I think of Scotch Broom and Starlings, and so on, but not cats. Thinking of them in this way sheds a different light on things.

    If your cat is killed by a dog, or a disease she picked up outside, or in some other horrible fashion because you couldn’t keep her indoors, then it’s your fault. Your fault that you couldn’t take care of her in her last moments. Your fault that she died in fear.

    This, too, is valid. When we lived in Canby, we had one cat — Satchel — who could not grasp the concept of The Road. (We lived on a much busier street than we do currently.) One day he was chasing another cat across the road during rush hour, and Satchel was hit. I try to console myself that he died happy, but that’s really just a rationalization. On another morning driving to work on the same road, I came across a cat who had been hits only seconds before. That image has stuck with me for a decade, and will stick with me the rest of my life. It saddens and sickens me. I grew up in the country, and all of our cats were outside-only. We lost a number of them to the road, at least one each year. Perhaps that’s why I’m desensitized to it. Our friends who still live out here constantly lose cats to the road.

    I agree: this is a bad thing. (My approach has always been “ban cars”, though, which has several other advantages in my eyes. It’s also not a very pragmatic solution.)

    Sorry this turned into a rant. It’s an extremely hot button for me

    It’s no problem. I understand, and I respect your position. We all have hot-button issues. And even though we may recognize the validity of a friend’s logic on a hot-button issue, it may not match our own. You might not think that television and advertising are the scourges I believe them to be (to use a hypothetical), but you might understand my reasoning, even if you don’t agree with my conclusions.

    I stopped following your photo feed because every picture of a cat with a dead bird in his mouth made me deeply angry

    I will make a vow: no more such photos in my Flickr feed, and if I feel absolutely compelled to post such a photo to my weblog, I’ll be sure to post warning at the top. (But I’ll try to refrain from posting such photos to my weblog.)

    All this agreement having been stated, I will still choose to allow my cats outside, despite their bird-hunting, and despite the chance they may be struck on the road. My cats at least are happy outside, especially Simon. When Simon is trapped indoors on a sunny day, he is miserable. He was born outside (his mother was a barn cat), grew up outside, and has been allowed outside privileges all his life. In my mind, it is a greater moral wrong to keep him cooped inside the house than it is to let him outside. If we still lived in the house in Canby, I’d be torn. (I was always torn when we let the cats outside there.) I’m not torn now. Yes, he will kill a couple of birds a year, and yes, there’s a chance that he may suffer some tragic fate, but he will have lived an happy life.

    I guess that in my mind, the inside/outside issue is contingent on a number of factors, including the nature of your cat, the location of your home, the amount of traffic, etc. If a cat is happy indoors, or if it cannot be let outside safely, then I agree: the cat should be kept indoors. Otherwise, it’s my opinion that other factors should be considered.

    Thanks for discussing this. I apologize for any past stress my cat photos may have caused!

  7. Cat says:

    JD: Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. I have to admit I would have a hell of a time keeping a barn cat indoors, and therefore probably would never take one in unless it was unavoidable. These things happen. Your consideration on the photos is extremely generous, and I thank you.

    And why did we have to start this conversation on such a long post? 😉

  8. J.D. says:

    Heh. It always amuses me when tangential conversations begin on weblog posts. I often transpose them into real posts on my site, but then conversation just dies for some reason. Never have figured it out…

    Back to work.

  9. JD: I don’t agree that (your assessment of) your cats’ happiness outweighs your responsibilities to the animals they kill, or to the cats themselves. Be that as it may, your present cats clearly have established patterns of behaviour which you are unwilling to disrupt. So, what about future cats? Will they also be outdoor cats, or will you take the opportunity to establish in them patterns of happy indoor living, so as to avoid the same problem?

  10. What about future cats? Will they also be outdoor cats, or will you take the opportunity to establish in them patterns of happy indoor living, so as to avoid the same problem?

    Ah, this is a Good Question, one to which I do not have a Good Answer. It probably depends on the cat. If we adopt from the Humane Society (as we’ve done on occasion), or we are certain that the cat has always lived indoors, or we adopt a kitten, then I’m sure we’ll do our best to keep the cat indoors. But if we adopt an adult cat who is already used to being outside, I’m sure we’ll allow it outside.

    We currently have three cats. Simon loves outside more than anything else, and he is completely miserable when he’s not allowed outside in good weather. Nemo likes outside, but he’d be perfectly happy inside all the time, too, so long as he got to wrassle from time-to-time. Toto used to like outside, but now she’s old and bitter and doesn’t like anything or anyone. She rarely goes outside. She’ll follow me around the yard if I’m gardening sometimes. And often in the evening she’ll ask to be let outside for two minutes (why? we don’t know — she’s a cat). But other than that, she doesn’t want to be outside. She’s inside and likes it that way.

    Kris and I love our cats. They are like children to us. We don’t take their health and happiness lightly. (As my pocketbook demonstrates.) We just feel that in our situation, with our cats, it’s best for them to have outside access.

    How many cats do you guys have by the way? I know you’ve posted photos, but I can’t recall ever actually enumerating them…

  11. Cat says:

    We just have KC now, since Prisolm died about a year ago. She absolutely loves being the only cat–her personality changed quite a bit for the better–so she’ll probably stay an only cat. ^Selfish little bugger.^

  12. Cat says:

    Incidentally, KC was adopted as a stray, and would prefer to be an indoor/outdoor cat, but for all the reasons we’ve discussed, she is not.

  13. Courtney Gidts says:

    I’ve managed to save up roughly $42457 in my bank account, but I’m not sure if I should buy a house or not. Do you think the market is stable or do you think that home prices will decrease by a lot?

  14. Cat says:

    The housing market depends on where you live. It’s going down a little in some areas, but in desirable cities like San Francisco and Portland, it’s going strong. But that may not be the biggest consideration. The housing market, like the stock market, will always have dips and surges, but is good over time. What you want to consider is loss of cash. Sit down and add up everything you’ve paid in rent over your lifetime. That money is *gone*. Continuing to pay rent is throwing good money after bad.