Freezer-to-Microwave Bacon Packets

Baaaacon. On a sandpiper plate.

Baaaacon. On a sandpiper plate.

I like to make breakfast bagels with egg, cheese, and bacon. But no way in hell was I going to deal with raw bacon in the morning, when I could barely walk a straight line. The eggs are challenging enough.

I used to get that microwavable bacon that’s $7.99 for four packets, and never, ever goes on sale. It made my frugality gland itch. So I poked around, did some experimenting, and came up with something that works for me.

This is not an environmentally friendly method of cooking bacon! It takes a ridiculous amount of plastic and paper. But you’re already eating pork, made through an environmentally devastating process, so you may as well go whole-hog. So to speak.

I swear I'm not a shill for Glad.

I swear I’m not a shill for Glad.

First, tear off about 12 inches of Press’n Seal and lay it on the counter, sticky side up. If you’ve never used Press’n Seal before, you are in for a treat. I only use plastic wrap for paint effects in the studio. Yes, you must use Press’n Seal, otherwise known as parafilm. For some reason, no one but Glad┬ámakes a commercial version, but if you work in a lab, you’ll be familiar with it.

Not two, not four. Well, maybe four.

Not two, not four. Well, maybe four.

Next, take three paper towels, fold them a bit at the end, and place them fold-down on the Press’n Seal. You’re aiming for at least an inch of clearance all the way around. Yes, three paper towels. I have experimented, and this is the least amount that will keep nearly all the mess in. Two = grease everywhere.

Yes, bacon is greasy. Yes, it still sticks.

Yes, bacon is greasy. Yes, it still sticks.

Next, spray a light coating of non-stick spray on the paper towels. Be careful not to get the Press’n Seal, or it won’t stick together.

Place three pieces of bacon on the towel. I can’t believe I didn’t get a picture of this. It’s like I missed the money shot. Don’t worry if the bacon has to be bent a little on the ends, just try not to let the pieces touch.

I can hear the trees dying.

I can hear the trees dying.

Take another three paper towels, fold them on one end, and spray the folded side with non-stick spray. There, you can see the bacon a little in the background.

Lookin' tidy.

Lookin’ tidy.

Place the paper towels fold-side down, making sure the folds from this batch are on the opposite end of the folds from the last batch, so you have a mostly even amount of paper towel throughout.

This is also a great way to hide your bacon from guests.

This is also a great way to hide your bacon from guests.

Finally, tear off another 12 inches of Press’n Seal, place it over everything sticky-side down, and press the edges to, well, seal. Because Press’n Seal, see?

This was early in the stack. IT WAS ON SALE.

This was early in the stack. IT WAS ON SALE.

Toss your bacon packets in the freezer. They are good for fitting in that space on top where nothing else fits.

Snobs can sod off--I love my micro.

Should have wiped down that panel.

When you want some bacon, toss a packet in the microwave. I like mine very crispy, so it’s three minutes for me.

When it’s done, carefully grab the packet on opposite corners and remove. Give it a sec to cool down, then peel everything back. The bacon may still stick a little to the paper towels, but it pops right off. Unlike if you hadn’t used non-stick spray. Then you would cry because your bacon was a papercraft.

You know what you have to do.

You know what you have to do.

Voila, bacon! I realized after I did most of this that I didn’t have any pictures of the finished bacon. What is it with me? Anyway, yes, I totally made bacon just now to get the pictures. See how I sacrifice for you?

And yeah, it’s already gone. Yum.

 

 

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