Know what sucks? That

Know what sucks? That humans don’t have tails. Think of the fashion possibilities alone. There would be special dye for tail fur. Tail rings, tail tattoos, tail piercings. Tail clothing for Winter, as it would only be hip to bare the tail during the Summertime.

Of course if we had tails in reality, they would either be hairless, or covered with some nasty variety of hair that we’d want to shave off. But oh, how cool it would be to have soft, multi-colored fur.

Our language would be peppered with tail metaphors. “He’s got his tail up,” “Tail-swingin’ melody,” “She looks like someone stepped on her tail.”

Conductors could face the audience–if only for a brief joke. The computer mouse would no-doubt be designed specifically for tail use. And I don’t even wanna get started on sex, except to say how sweet it would be to see a couple walking with their tails entwined.

Yes, tails would be cool.

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