Mom’s Last Journal

journal-frontWe picked up mail from the PO box tonight. In it, there was a small package from my aunt Diana. I hadn’t heard from her in years, so I was very excited. On the way back to the car, I noticed the top of the envelope was mostly open, so I tore it the rest of the way. Inside was a notebook. I lifted it a little, peeked at a page, and burst into sobs.

Bill was immediately at my side, asking what was wrong. When I could speak again, I said: “It’s my mother’s handwriting.”

My uncle Dean died last year, and among his papers was my mother’s last journal.

It begins January 26, 1983, and ends November 14, 1983. She died on January 19, 1984.

I’ll share as much as I have the nerves for. All of it, I hope. Mom had quirky grammar, and had to sound out words to spell. I’ll have to correct most of the spelling, but I’ll leave her manner of speech.  I’ll put some notes in brackets. I don’t have a lot of pictures from this time period, but I’ll add them when I can.

My own birth name has been redacted to “S.”  Not for privacy reasons, but because I hate the bloody thing, and don’t want it bandied about.

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Jan 26 1983

June took Lorna’s shift–very slow–drew $10. Beer & tampax for Mar [Marlene, Mom’s best friend] — Put taxes in, cost $20. Money I saved from tips — 20 one-dollar bills.

Re-sealed hole in wall at work–foil and cardboard. S did not go to school — got talking to me and missed first bus. Went back to bed. Mar waits for me to come home to talk, but I am too tired. Stayed after work–had 3 beers, so I could draw $10. And relaxed. Jack’s got a crush on me had to run. Don’t know him–told him to come back in 3 years when I have kids raised, and maybe I’ll feel like dating. Wanted me to go out and eat, but went home.

No manager yet still interviewing. Laid new floor behind bar. My hubcaps were stolen last Sat at Thirsty I Tavern–dam. Dorn [son] moved into house last week.

Morning Jan 27 83

To bed at 4:00 up at 11:30–bad back ache again. Knee also hurting some. Cat [a large black cat named Geddy Lee] wants out. Ate salad–small steak–3 bread–cheese–still hungry. Wind and rain storm early this morning. Dog [an ancient Chihuahua/Dachshund named Zapata] still sick, but went outside by herself at 11:30 this morning, and at. Has not had a movement in 4 or 5 maybe 6 days. S went to school. Going to do cards [tarot]. Zap just went out having movement. Cards OK. Showered, done I Ching–41 & 60–Slow, then better. Work a little better. Marge feeling better. Sold 4 steaks, Lorna’s feeling no pain. Whip cream can bulging, had to carry it to the garbage. Never handled a live bomb before. Hadn’t blown yet when I left–too cold.

Done some more f[unreadable] in the kitchen. Good lettuce this time. Cut up a ribeye 16oz. Weight 145 after eating. Turned cold, then warmed again. To bed at 3. Came right home, had Mar take Lane [my boyfriend at the time] home. Him and S had been to a movie. Cat got locked in garage–sure was glad to see me. Had 3 or 4 beers, ate toast–2–, small steak, salad, and baker. Went to bed. Many spirits walking through Grove last night–strong full moon. Made 1 dollar in tips from June.

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3 Responses to Mom’s Last Journal

  1. oh wow. I hope you are doing OK.

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