Friendships end. Not all of

Friendships end.

Not all of them, to be sure, but many of them. A vast majority.

Usually they end because people are naturally separated. One moves, or perhaps they just drift apart in time. But sometimes it’s more difficult. Sometimes, one person is done with the other, and the other doesn’t know it. I’ve been on the receiving end of this, and I am very good at taking a hint. A few unreturned phonecalls or an obvious avoidance will do it. More often (though still rarely), I’ve been on the giving end. Only once was a confrontation required, and it still bothers me. What is it about some people that they just don’t get it?. Why do they invest so much in one person? Am I too cold to understand?

So here I am, for for a couple of months now, I’ve been trying to end two friendships. My time on this planet is finite, and I must be sure that I’m spending it in a worthwhile fashion. That means a few friends whom I dearly enjoy. That leaves out the people with whom I have grown to have nothing in common. Those that have gone from merely uncomfortable to excruciating. Not the actual person, mind you, but my interaction with them.

One friend caught the hint early and easily. I think she knew we just didn’t have squat in common, and our time together was becoming more and more awkward. Also, I don’t believe she had a great deal of emotional attachment invested in the relationship. If you’re reading this: thank you. This will bless you karmically.

The other friend I’ve known for a while, and is more persistent. She’s not stupid by any means, but she wouldn’t know a hint if it broadsided her. Which I should think mine have.

So why don’t I just confront? I have some good reasons:

  1. I’m a coward.
  2. This person is NO fun to confront. She’s one of those people that only asks why so she can dig up some piece of twisted contradictory logic.
  3. I may be a coward, but I’m actually much more cruel in person than I am in writing.

If I were to confront this person, she would start with the circular logic, which infuriates me. How would I respond? Would I be patient, and try to reassure her? Would I try to see her arguments, and maybe bend a little? Hell no. A million horrible things would go through my mind. I would manage to bite them back, and instead just sit in stony silence. Then (because this would probably be a phonecall), I would hang up. I would turn off the ringer. I would call the matter closed. That’s if she’s lucky. If she’s not, those million horrible things would come streaming from my mouth like a torrent of lava, causing infinitely more damage. Frankly, she doesn’t deserve that.

She isn’t a bad person. She isn’t a friendless person. I’ve always been a little uncomfortable on her turf, and the discomfort has increased to unbearable levels. I don’t want to be there. I don’t want to be with her. The end.

If this person hasn’t recognized herself by now, then all hope is lost, and I’ll have to confront. Neither of us deserves that. We deserve to walk away and move on. Please, please, please, let me walk away and move on.

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