If you were going to

If you were going to scout an alien planet, would you depend on some fancy technology to change your appearance so you could blend in with the populace? Of course not. As demonstrated in movie after movie, technology ultimately fails. The way to go is low-tech: an alien suit. Of course, if your race is about the same size as the alien race, this will tend to make you a bit bulky, even very big, depending on the amount of breathing apparatus or other survival equipment that must be masked by the suit. You can only hope those pesky aliens come in a range of sizes, so your heft will go unnoticed.

Where am I going with this? Ah, but surely you’ve guessed.

Americans aren’t getting fatter, they’re being invaded. I can admit this freely because I know you silly humans won’t believe me until you’re hanging from a meat-hook on the mothership. I’ve been tagging particularly tasty-looking morsels for months. Martha Stewart is going to make a fabulous centerpiece.

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