Dear frykitty:

I like to let Elmer's glue dry on my hand and then peel it off and eat it. Does that mean I'm weird?

Signed,

Glue-Eating Freak

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Dear Freak:

Many people enjoy the sensation of Elmer's Glue drying on their skin. This can be especially interesting when the glue is applied to an area with some hair, as there is a slight sting when pulling up the glue, yet it does not act as a dipilitory. Many couples engage in "glue play" to add some variety to their sex lives. Of course, their sex lives are usually pretty pathetic by the time they start playing with glue.

While eating glue is a bit rarer, these folks have all enjoyed it at one time, and they seem to be happy with themselves. Elmer's Glue is generally non-toxic and can be a good source of protein.

So you like the feel of dried glue on your skin, and you like to peel it up and eat it. Lots of people do that. Does this make you weird? Oh yes. You are a sticky freak of nature, my mucilage-munching friend.

Having the validation of a group that enjoys similar activities does not make you normal. There are plenty of serial killers in the world, but are they normal? No siree-bob. There are thousands of support groups for addicts of every possible variety, and not for a minute to these folks think they are approaching mainstream.

This leaves you with two choices. First, you could revel in your weirdness, your perverted proclivities, your left-of-center-look-at-me-I'm-odd sensibility. Delving into your darker side, you would no doubt find glue quickly becomes a gateway drug, leading eventually to heroin abuse and parties involving farm animals. Your second choice is better: just stop. Get the glue out of the house. Don't frequent establishments where glue might be available to you. If one of your friends invites you to indulge in that sticky white ecstacy, resist the peer pressure. You can make a life for yourself without glue. The first step is admitting that you are powerless over glue. Stick to your guns, and free yourself from this resinous rat-trap.

frykitty