Dear frykitty:

I am a teenager who is in love with her teacher. He is totally hot, like the cute one from N'Sync. The problem is that, well, he's my teacher. I'll be graduating in a year, but I'm thinking about trying to seduce him this year. I was so happy when I found out that he'll be my history teacher next year.

However, I'm pretty inexperienced when it comes to seducing men. I was wondering if you had some advice for how to get a man in bed.

Signed,

Needs a lesson in the birds and the bees

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Dear Bees:

Frykitty has consulted extensively with many sluts to research this article. What follows are sure-fire ways to get ANY man (provided he likes girls) in bed!

1. Men like to be insulted.
This is especially effective when done with sarcasm. Comment on his appearance with a snotty tone of voice. For example: "Ooh, nice hair, dimwit." Guys, especially cute ones, enjoy a girl that isn't fawning. You'll have him salivating more and more with each loving barb.

2. Men like facial hair.
You may be growing some already--if so, let it show! A coarse, dark moustache is a woman's best friend. Men like to see that little bit of man in you; it gives them something to relate to. If you don't have facial hair, the drama department of your school no doubt has an excellent selection. A word of caution: be subtle. Don't glue on the whole beard--just a hair here and there. If you have a mole, take advantage of a prime location and glue a nice long one to it!

3. Men like to know who's boss.
And that's you, of course! When your teacher gives you a deadline, let him know firmly that you'll be taking a few more days on it. Don't miss an opportunity to tell him what to do. Remember that snotty tone from #1? Use it! Pepper your speech liberally with the words "should" and "shouldn't", as in "you shouldn't wear that tie with that shirt" or "you should work out more". Men like a woman that can take care of them. Show him that you know best! This is the way to make his heart beat faster and his temperature rise!

4. Men like to know that you're mature.
How can an older man be expected to jump in the sack with a mere girl? Let him know you're mature--talk about your menstrual period. Be sure he knows when you're "on the rag". If you have cramps or other "female problems", pass them along in great detail. Every man loves gynecology.

There ya go, hon. These techniques have been applied since time immemorial. In fact--don't tell anyone--prostitutes use these tricks to increase profits! That man will soon be begging for booty.

frykitty